sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Randomize
