you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
