last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
