do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
