I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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