if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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