I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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