Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize