I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize