I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
