is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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