I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
