Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
