some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
