upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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