so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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