she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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