he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
