I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize