I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
