she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
