if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it fun? or sober?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
