those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
a search helicopter?!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
