just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She needs sedatives and a leash
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
