SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
