I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
