I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
