my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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