Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Couch. On fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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