just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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