They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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