Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
