the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
