My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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