and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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