I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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