is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
