I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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