note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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