if i can run in heels then i can drive
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
