he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
