Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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