Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize