you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
