listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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