a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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