I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
