you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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