Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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