Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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