Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
