he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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