she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize