I wish life had little blips of pornography
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
