I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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