I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
