Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
