Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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