Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
