So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
