You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
