is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i now understand why vodka
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
