I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
