my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
