So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
