I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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