Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
