I need help removing her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
