alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
