Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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