I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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