Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
