after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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