my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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