jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
