all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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