She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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