he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
